“We’ve been working on him for some time, but we’re going to have
to stop now”. The start of the year from hell. You think it will never
happen to you. Especially as this was just three months after I’d
suddenly lost my father.
The day my little brother died, my life changed. I rushed down to the
hospital with my best friends by my side. You could feel the energy in
that tiny waiting room and read it on their faces as clear as you’re
reading these words. I’d just recovered from a week in the hospital
myself and I remember thinking, “this has to be a nightmare and I’ll
wake up soon”. But I didn’t.
It was the darkest moment I’d ever experienced, and I seriously
considered ending my life. I was at a crossroads. I could let this destroy
me, or I could take the passion, talent, pride, and drive that my brother
and father had always admired me for and run with it.
Jersey has always been a tricky place to express yourself. As a working
DJ, artist, and a member of the island’s L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+ community, I knew
it was time to mesh those talents together. I didn’t want anyone else
growing up in hiding. I’d come from that place of suppressing myself
and growing up in a generation of unacceptance. It’s a very confusing
space, still to this day.
Being praised for my art, but at the same time hiding a certain part of
my life which attributed so much to it. A struggle that I’m still receiving
treatment for to this day. It was time for a comeback.
Things in life worth fighting for are never easy. You’re still going to face
adversity, even from your peers. The very first time I performed at Jersey
Pride we were told we wouldn’t be invited back (even if the crowd said
otherwise). I’m proud to say I’ve helped the island move forward by
organising many sold-out, gay-friendly events. Everyone needs to feel
welcome. I’m just a guy in a wig and a dress. It’s really not that big of a
deal. You have to push boundaries to be heard. We started out small,
but now you can find us at some of the island’s biggest festivals and
events. Due to the pandemic, all these plans are currently on hold.
I will no longer wait for permission to be myself. 2020 has been the
hardest year of my life. I lost my sparkle and disappeared. Now, with
my brother and my father by my side, I’m on the road to being myself
again and hopefully showing others that if you have a talent hiding it
away is such a waste.
Forget what everyone else thinks. Be an individual. Love what you have,
before life teaches you to love what you have lost.